Scorpio

True Hollywood Stories - Creme De La Sex

All of a sudden the handle of the door turns and it opens, revealing the new-found duo of Scorpio and Creme de la Creme as they step out of the room. Both dressed in an odd array of pinks and luminous colours, they've clearly spent the flight from Middlesbrough to Hamburg deep in discussion over fashion.

Creme: "You didn't include Ness' rap on Barnacles On My Butt? It's still my number-one favourite single of -all time-, but I have to ask... why the hell not, man?"

Scorpio: "It just didn't flow with the groove, dude. You catch my drift?"

Creme: "I suppose, but still, Ness doesn't do much in the way of the music. It's a shame really, I bet he's got a smooth... powerful... deep... voice."

Creme stares ahead of himself, deep in thought, and Scorpio simply shakes his head.

Scorpio: "Nah, not really."

The pair head down the corridor, and a few nearby stagehands and staff members flash double-takes as many had been in Hamburg setting up for Mayhem and hadn't had a chance to see Autumn Annihilation and the return of Creme.

Scorpio: "So, do tell me, how -did- you get your hair in such tight curls? I've tried everything, curlers, heated tongs, wigs... none of it works!"

Creme: "Oh, that's where you're going wrong! It's all in the moisture! You've gotta work it in deep, and then pop in the curlers. You'll be right as rain after!"

Scorpio mimics the addition of curlers to his hair, nodding along as he understands Creme's ideas.

Scorpio: "Man, it's great having you around. I mean, Aaron's a laugh and all, but he doesn't get the whole fashion thing. And as for N-Bomb... well... you'd get more sense from a fuckin' bonsai!"

He howls with laughter, and Creme just sort of chuckles, looking at the S-Factor oddly. They turn the corner and find themselves in front of Ness and Pedro as the pair are in discussion over Ness' match for the night. They each look up at Scorpio and Creme, and the four share a greeting. Creme continues to smile at Ness, and the Desert Sex straight-man nervously flicks his gaze back and forth to Creme.

Ness: "Can I help you?"

Creme: "Oh if only you knew how much you could help me..."

Ness: "Hmmm?"

Creme: "Well, what I mean is, how can -I- help -you-? After all, I -am- a former Intercontinental Champion!"

Scorpio: "Oh my God! He's right! Wow... and here I was thinking the IC title's credibility had dropped after Jonnah "Bobble-top" Street got his grasp on it, but we can always delve into the past for a bit of hope!"

Scorpio smiles, however Creme barely even looks him in the face. The S-Factor begins to nudge at Creme's arm, and the legend quickly turns.

Creme: "What?!"

Scorpio: "Well, you see, I've got this big match with Chester Addison..."

Ness: "Who's got his fucking tag team title belt! No thanks to you, Creme..."

Creme: "Oh! I'm so sorry! Oh no please don't be angry at me!"

Scorpio: "... and well, I need some advice."

Creme makes sorrowful eyes towards Ness, who is already looking back at his planner as Pedro frowns at the legend. Scorpio once more prods his arm.

Creme: "-What-?"

Scorpio: "The advice?"

Creme: "Oh right, well... this Chester guy? Right, first of all, beat him up."

Scorpio: "Beat him up..."

Creme: "Then break his neck!"

Scorpio: "... break his neck?"

Creme: "You got it!"

Scorpio: "I swear I've heard that advice somewhere else... reminds me of... chocolate... but sexual."

Creme: "No, it's all a Creamy Original from moi!"

Scorpio grasps his own neck and looks up at Creme.

Scorpio: "But... isn't it a little... extreme."

Creme: "You want your tag team title back right?"

Scorpio: "Well, yes."

Creme: "Then be -fierce-! Go out there, flourish, and show the world why Desert Sex are the best damn team in the history of this company, and why -you- are the second best member of that team!"

Scorpio: "YEAH!... wait...."

Creme: "Take that Chester down, beat the cream out of him, throw him around..."

Scorpio: "... -second- best..."

Creme: "... and then kick his sorry ass into the middle of next week! Do it for the groupies out there S-Factor, do it for Ness! Now, I've got to love you and leave you, TFWFShop.com's releasing the Desert Sex thong, and there's no way in hell I'm missing out on it! Bye! See you later Ness!"

He blows a quick kiss to the band and heads off to get his merchandise as Scorpio smiles. Creme rounds the corner and Scorpio turns to the other two.

Scorpio: "Man that guy's great... so much style, so much flair and verve... wow."

Michael: "Are you sure he's not... g-"

Scorpio: "Great? Yeah he is!"

Michael: "No, as in him being a qu-"

Scorpio: "Quintessential legend? Yes, yes he is."

Michael: "No! List-"

Scorpio: "Oh Pedro, I'd love to chat, but I've got an interview with Mac... catcha later!"

The S-Factor pats Pedro on the shoulder and disappears in the opposite direction from where Creme went, and the P.A. shakes his head. Ness looks up at Pedro.

Ness: "Is it me, or is he just a massive fucking puff?"

Michael: "... which one?"

- - - - - - - - - -

Mac: "Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Mahoney McMillian reporting for TFWF.net, and joining me at this time, former Tag Team Champion, the S-Factor - Scorpio."

The camera zooms back from Mahoney to reveal Scorpio standing next to him. He's adorned in his usual array of weird and wonderful clothes, however he also has a black t-shirt bearing the message 'Ness is #1'. Scorpio smiles awkwardly as Mahoney turns to him.

Mac: "Now Scorpio... well... first of all, why the Ness t-shirt?"

Scorpio: "Why not? You people don't understand fashion... well, up until Autumn Annihilation it seems I didn't either! Creme's taught me -so- much about the clothes business, and it appears Ness t-shirts are going to be -massive- in 2010. So, I got ahead of the crowd. Kiss my ass Milan!"

Mac: "Uh, ok. Anyway, in just a few minutes you're set to go at it with Chester Addison, the man who took your tag team championship last night... how do you feel about walking out into Mayhem without the belt?"

Scorpio sighs and shakes his head, biting his bottom lip.

Scorpio: "Frankly Mac, I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off at the Commonwealth Connection for being so damn up themselves that they had to go and win that match, and I'm pissed off at Eaton Gore for not trying harder to kick out. I mean, -everyone- knows that Desert Sex are the rightful holders of those belts, we worked for ages to get them, and now this new team can waltz in and rob us of them? NO! I've heard all day how happy the fans are that Chester and his stupidly-dressed idiot of a partner have those titles, and you know what? It makes me -sick-! If it was the other way round, and Ness and I had stolen the title from the Commoners, you'd all be up in arms! But they win the titles from us, and suddenly it's a revolution and fucking fair! It isn't... and I'll tell you what Mac. Ness and I -will- be taking those titles back... it's only a matter of time."

Mac: "Well, obviously losing the title's have hit you hard..."

Scorpio: "Not as hard as I plan on hitting that dipshit."

Mac: "... but obviously tonight you've got to put the title loss past you, and work on pinning Chester tonight."

The S-Factor laughs a little.

Scorpio: "Work on it? Pfft... Mahoney. You know me right? Yeah? I wouldn't -work- to beat Chester, because I don't -have- to. Chester's the Robin of TFWF, he's the boy wonder, he's the spark of life that everyone's shat their pants over. Wowweee! Chester Addison man! It's pathetic, and so is he. He scammed his way to a Hardcore title reign or two, and he's scammed his way to the tag team titles. Well Chester, I want you to listen strong and listen hard...

I want you to go and find a camera, I want you to go to your sad little VCR machine, I want you to rewind to the moment you won those titles, and I want you to photograph every damn frame of it. I want you to print those photos out, place them on your wall, and keep them as a shrine.

A shrine to the ONE AND ONLY TIME YOU EVER GOT A WIN OVER DESERT SEX!

It ain't happening again Chester... EVER. We've got Creme de la Creme on our side! What have you got? The vain belief that you've managed to hit the top of the mountain, when in reality, you've just hit the peak and now you're about to go falling off the other side. In years to come, when the names Scorpio and Ness are synonymous with numerous world title reigns, Chester Addison will just be another one of the 'oh, him... yeah... what did he do again?' names. You know? Like APB is nowadays? Hell, even while that guy's active nobody remembers him.

You're a joke Chester. You're just a poster-boy for all the diseased monkeys that pack the arenas each and every week. You're just a light at the end of the tunnel, an example of a commoner who 'made it'. You represent hope for them, and at the end of the day, that's all they and you can ever cling to. Well tough shit Chester, because it's people like me that -unmake- you. They say everyone has fifteen minutes of fame..."

He checks his diamond-encrusted watch.

Scorpio: "And it looks like your fifteen are about to run out. Chester, you have something I want... no... something that's -mine-, and while others may sit idly by and allow you the chance to have your happy-clappy celebrations and your cheery tea parties and whatever else festering commoners like you have, I won't. You're delusional, you're living in a -fantasy- Chester, and it's time to snap out of that dream.

Desert Sex -are- better than the Commonwealth Connection.

Desert Sex always -were- better than the Commonwealth Connection.

Desert Sex always -will- be better than the Commonwealth Connection.

Now, Chester, fuck off out of my spotlight before it begins to burn."

He doesn't even wait for Mac to finish before he storms off, leaving Mahoney to shrug into the camera before it cuts off.

[END]